1. Never give up, no matter how bad it gets.
2. It’s cool to be a feminist.
3. Always wear a tuxedo after 6 p.m.
4. Appreciate your BFF/assistant.
5. Don’t let the haters bring you down.
6. You can “shotgun” a pizza.
7. Proper grammar isn’t just for nerds.
8. Your morals are not for sale.
9. Appreciate the little things in life.
10. Know how to say “ham” properly.
Transitions lenses do not reverse the gender of your eyes.
Sandy Duncan did not “sponsor” the hurricane.
There are many black people, not just one who is a master of disguise.
Brian Kilmeade did not invent the term “smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.”
Not all pigs are born with human feet.
Angela Merkel is not the female version of Steve Urkel.
It is permissible to say the word “Mexican” on television.
There is no celebrity named Rape Romano.
Condoms work every day of the week. Not just Tuesdays.
Trees do not have bones.
There are a finite number of people in China.
Burritos are not “male tacos.”
The Constitution is a living document, but it cannot walk around.
Chef Boyardee is not the Prime Minister of Italy. He is the Vice President.
Paul Ryan is not faster than a cheetah.
FEMA is not slang for female.
Many Hispanics own their own cars.
The Statue of Liberty was not a gift from Santa.
At no point has Dorf been the number one golfer in the world.
Lance Armstrong did not trade a testicle for steroids.
Michael J. Fox does not have “multiple sandwiches.”
Apple Maps is not a map showing where the apples are.
8 is a multiple of 4.
Women’s vaginas are below their waists.
"Kris Krostie" is not Chris Christie with his pants backwards.
Afi Komen was never the U.N. Secretary General.
Haitian does not mean “half-Asian.”
Last Wednesday was Halloween. Not a “ghost invasion.”
Mr. Met has never announced a preference for any religion over the other.
Chef Boyardee is not the Vice President of Italy.